Monday, February 28, 2011 || 4:53 PM
that is all.
oh yeaa i have my post from monday? which i forgot to post loool
anyways dont you love those days where you're so tired and that you're just completely out of it and everything is just retarded :L actually i blame karina and her stupid retarded permanent marker for making me retarded for the rest of the day hahahha. seriously she has this short, fat permanent marker which she was smelling in science because according to her it smells like 'strawberry mint' .. LOL WTF.. it actually smells like alcohol. reeaaallyyy strong alcohol.. like vodka or something. LOL i smelt it in science and like afterwards i just felt like id drank :L and then in religion afterwards i was being high and retarded bahhahaha and dabaja stares at me like shes examining me and is full like "what makes you high? because sometimes you act like a retard and i still havent quite worked out what exactly it is that makes you go retarded like this" LOL but seriously that permanent marker is retarded. it even says on the back that its 'alcohol ink' and that it 'must be used in a ventilated room' . so basically if u used it in a room with no ventilation it would actually get you high HAHHAHHAA we googled it too and according to yahoo answers if you smell permanent marker it will make you go high and kill some brain cells.
yea so LOOOL thats what happened to me today (:
fucking fucks should fuck themselves. some people are just such fucks.
Thursday, February 24, 2011 || 8:50 PM
hmm i havnt blogged in a while but i ceebbss nothing to say.
mufti tmrw and because of friggin new principal there is like NOTHING that we're actually allowed to wear tmrw like srsly
- no singlet tops
- no spaghetti straps
- only enclosed shoes (flats obviously)
- no shorts
ok that last one is really really annoying. we can't even wear shorts.. and they defined anything above the knees as shorts.. like WTF COME ON. theres nothing else to wear except like jeans.. and its too hot for jeans fml. i think ill take shorts in my bag in case other people wear shorts too hahaa :L its funny coz if we dont follow the dress code then they give you this massive lowes shirt to wear but then if you wear shorts and they give you that shirt ..youre still wearing shorts? unless u wear the shirt as a dress which would be pretty funny :L hahhaa. dr burgis has totally ruined mufti day -____-
first debate of the season tmrw :/ i hate the first debate because its always the scariest. you walk into prep and its like fuck i dont know anything about the topic, fuck i cant even remember how to structure a speech, fuck i cant debate. LOL oh wells maybe ill be the 4th speaker and ill get to write on the board and watch the rest of my team drown in fear MWAHAHHAHHAA
you wanna know something? i love life. i love life so much. hahahahha i dont know why maybe its the little dramas at school which makes school life interesting, and friends who always have your back and then events in the near future which give you something to look forward to and being around happy people who are so full of life. i actually love it so much. the happiness (: its like i just look around me and everywhere people are actually smiling. well okay maybe not everyone but 2 of my friends who have been really depressive lately have been happy the past few days (: its like im looking around me in a whole new way: instead of seeing shit everywhere people, are happy.
you know what else i love? i love when you find out that a friend defended you behind your back. finding out people talk shit about you behind your back is like such a common occurrence these days. and even alot of the time when friends defend you its after you rant to them about all this shit, but when you rant to a friend you're practically asking them to be on your side. so its nice to find out that someone talked shit behind your back and a friend defended you (: i actually have no idea where i would be without my friends ♥
LOL mmm i must be in a good mood atm O_O LOL this post is like... so.. happy. hehhee well ive printed out my exchange application and i think its well.. not THAT bad (: and i actually did some homework and i slept early last night so so LIFE IS GOOD HEHEHEHE.
im also excited because because im gonna go shopping for a new dress and shoes and a mask HEHEHE because my friend is having a masquerade for her bday and now im like really geed. hehhehee and shopping is always fun :L
alright anyways THE WORLD IS HAPPY. SPREAD THE LOVE~
although on second thoughts, maybe the world is exactly the same and it's just me. LOL.
Friday, February 18, 2011 || 11:53 PM
who would've thought i'd survive everything life threw at me last year, only to crash and burn now. over this. what's wrong with me?
im so excited because my mum let me go on exchange XD hehheheh im gonna apply for hk england and maybe nz but i dnt really wanna go there :/ except my friend said that heaps of ppl will apply for eng and coz like hlf the skl has english background theyll probs get it -____- soo i think ill put hk as my first preference (: blehh but i really wanna go to england and see all the historic stuff 8]
Anyways i woke up this morning at like 7 coz i thought tennis was at pymble and id have to catch the train and everything. except then i come out of the shower and find like 5 missed calls from Jo who tells me that tennis was at homebush and already started T_T so then there wasnt much point in me going coz id be like an hr late and theyd all have to wait which is why im now sitting on my bed in my sports uniform half asleep -___- sighhh the only wkend with good weather so far and i dnt get to play. how depressing
omgsh have i told you all about my new headphones that i got last wk? well i got a pair of white sony headphones like the massive type that go over ur ears and stuff. anyways so at first i didnt like them because theyre not the sound isolating one.. so if someone stood next to me and tlked id still be able to hear them until i had my music up heaps loud. except now i love them hehehe (: i think im actually gonna make myself deaf hahahah ive been listening to my music on like almost full volume for a few hrs now :L oh wells.. hopefully by the time im old and deaf theyll have invented some kind of cure for that XD
every detail; the smells, the warmth, the deep-throated rumble, the bittersweet ache, the rise and fall of each breath. i have it all memorised, engraved into my mind.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011 || 11:30 PM
would it make sense to say that even though i suppose i want to be happy, if i
were happy it would mean that something quite depressing has happened. so does it make sense to say that the thought of eventually being happy in the future actually makes me even more depressed?
no, perhaps it wouldnt make sense. but what can i say? emotions never make sense.
ooft. im hungry. FOOOOOOD&coffee.
Go ahead. Take chances. Tell the truth. Date someone totally wrong for you. Say no. Spend all your cash. Get to know someone random. Be random. Say I love you. Sing out loud. Laugh at stupid jokes. Cry. Apologize. Tell someone how much they mean to you.lol that quote is actually from facebook. they actually have something serious every now and then :Lit would've been 3 months, in 3 days.
Sunday, February 13, 2011 || 4:07 PM
omgsh so at tutoring today my friend told me something which just grossed me out completely. ok u see coz the maths teacher is this asian guy and he works with this woman who marks the roll and i dno manages the money and stuff something like that. nwais so my friend was telling me this:
friend: u know that woman? shes his girlfriend.. but hes married
me: huh? soo shes his wife?
friend: no shes his girlfriend
me: so hes having an affair? .. lol its not very secret
friend: nahh apparently he only married his wife so she could get citizenship, but hes dating that woman
me: ohhh.. thats a bit retarded...
friend: yea his wifes pregnant too
me: WTF his wifes pregnant with his kid?? but theyre not like in love or anything? they just.. didnt use protection :L idiots.
friend: yeaa pretty much
me: thats.. really.. fucked up. poor kid is gonna have the worst father and the most fucked up family.
friend: who would wanna date him though? or marry him? or have a kid with him? or go near him? ...
LOL oh btw the teacher is like .. old and the woman is old too like she has some grey hair already and just... its all very gross. LOOL i dnt think i can look at any of them the same anymore. well anyways i should probs get started on my religion hw.. have to read 38 chapters of the bible T_T fml.
you, who don't follow the path
but create your own.
the light of the moon is not your guide
but a reflection of your purity,
for these twisted ways have yet
to enslave that soul of yours.
the brilliance flashes across my vision,
i don't understand.
so simply complex, so cowardly brave.
your feet remain untouched by this earth,
for you walk another realm.
others will see your blinding light,
you'll slip from my fingertips.
and when all has been said and done
how can i hope to be of any worth?
Wednesday, February 9, 2011 || 5:51 PM
i hate how you make me feel. i hate that i feel so sure, so resolved beforehand but then it all just unravels before my eyes. i hate the ball of frustration i feel in my chest. i hate that i want to kick a wall. i hate that you don't care. i hate that you can just turn it all off like a tap while im stuck in this stupid, pathetic situation. i hate that i still have hope. i hate that you can say you're fine and actually mean it, but i can't. i hate this. this frustration. and anger. and indecision. and dread. and anxiety. and sadness. i hate that i can't stop myself from wanting to make you feel a fraction of this frustration. i hate that it feels so different now. i hate that deep down i want to argue and shout and be pissed and just let it all out, but i can't because you're so fucking calm. but then afterwards i hate that i feel that way. i hate that you're not being a bitch about this. i hate that you won't give me a reason to hate you. i hate that i can't and could never hate you. i just hate this. oh but in case you read this, don't be so vain you're not the only reason i'm unhappy.
so i obviously had a great day. lool nahh my day was actually pretty good :L well anyways. ceebs writing imma watch some gossip girl now (:
OOOO one of my dads friends just came over to say happy cny and stuff and i got another red pocket HEHEHE im so rich XD LOL im gonna buy some mad headphones that like block out outside noise and stuff and then ill be able to listen to all my music through awesome headphones and itll make me feel happier (: yes. epic.
ps. i'm sorry.
Monday, February 7, 2011 || 6:11 PM
so i deleted this yesterday but then i learnt that you don't read this soo i can now just say wteva i want (:
perhaps i shouldn't have talked to you... i was getting good at blocking you from my mind until last night. sighh now i just miss you.
don't know why but i felt like doing this and besides who doesnt like listening to music (: its basically bits from lots of different songs that pretty much sum up ..everything haha. some of these songs i listened to heaps a few months ago coz they were constantly stuck in my head lol. for some of them i used a line here and there so like if you know the lyrics and theyre not right its probs coz i took a line from the chorus and a line from a verse and just shoved it all together lol. hmm maybe i shouldn't post this... oh well i'll delete it later when i'm more sane or something :L
hey stephen, i know looks can be deceiving,
but i know i saw a light in you
and as we walked we were talking
i didn't say half the things i wanted to.
i am trying not to tell you, but i want to
i'm scared of what you'll say
so i'm hiding what i'm feeling
but i'm tired of holding this inside my head.
i've been spending all my time just thinking bout you
i don't know what to do, i think i'm falling for you
taking over my life
but i don't seem to mind.
I, i'm really falling for you
I, i hate what you're putting me through
what have you done to me now?
i just can't sleep at night
i know that you saw me with somebody else
but believe me i'm all by myself.
cause i feel you even though we're apart
and without you there's a hole in my heart.
oh baby, though i tried i just cant adjust
thought that i could get over you
but baby that is so far from true
oh baby, got something i wanna discuss
oh boy what happened to us, happened to us, happened to us
where'd you go?
i miss you so
feels like it's been forever
that you've been gone.
please come back home
i miss the sound of your voice
the loudest thing in my head.
just run away back to yesterday... i'm trying to keep you in my head but if not...
yeah you got me begging,
begging baby please don't go
if i wake up tomorrow will you still be here?
i don't know
if you feel the way i do
if you leave i'm gonna find you...
baby please don't run away...
stay instead.
it's two am, feeling like i just lost a friend
hope you know it's not easy, easy for me.
never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
every little bump in the road i tried to swerve.
people are people, and somtimes we change our minds
but it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
but you know, i don't need you. you're not air, or water, or food. i'm only holding onto this because it's all that's left of you, but one day i'll accept that you're gone forever. i'll accept that we'll never stay up talking hours into the night anymore, that we'll never have pointless arguments about random topics and then forget why we're even talking about it, and that i'll never see you again. i'll move on and you'll just be another person i used to know.
Sunday, February 6, 2011 || 6:28 PM
despite the depressing poem below.. im actually quite excited right now (: but also kinda sad you know? or maybe you dont. can i be happy and sad and excited all at the same time? LOL
These walls are so grey.
This sky is so dull.
This grass lies shrivelled and lifeless.
These flowers have no colour.
But over there i see a girl,
a smiling girl.
Her eyes sparkle with life,
her face seems to glow from within.
Her steps have a light spring in them,
her shoulders don't carry a burden,
but a joy.
A secret joy, unknown to me.
I keep walking, lugging with me
that ever-present weight.
But the image of the girl lingers in my mind
like a deathly sweet scent, slowly torturing my soul.
How do her eyes see a world of colour
while mine see nothing but black and white?
How does she smile?
Friday, February 4, 2011 || 5:11 PM
people always say 'follow your heart', but how can i when i don't know where it is?
dammit you know that mood when you just feel like starting a bitchfight with someone? yea thats when you need like
hire-an-enemy-for-a-day or something. LOOLS i actually think that would be so awesome :L instead of hire-a-friend you can hire an enemy hahaha then our parents wouldnt complain about us being so moody and shit because we can take all our anger out on this hired enemy (: HEH im such a genius
anyways its like.. first week of skl and already i have piles and piles of homework and like so many assignments and shit that maybe i should start soon :/ okay goals:
- don't procrastinate
- actually do my maths homework
- actually do homework for every other subject as well :L
- make ms hendriks like me
OMG speaking of ms hendriks okay so after today ive had like 2 sci lessons? and coz i sit next to karina in science and ms hendriks doesnt like karina she automatically doesnt like me -___- stupid bitch LOLS.
ms h: blablabla i dont know how you got into this class karina
kuri: -mutters- fuck you
blablabla
ms h: partner in crime, girl sitting next to karina, whats your name?
me: christine...
ms h: blablabla well i havnt seen you talking but ill be keeping an eye on you both
me: AYE BITCH MAYBE I WASNT TLKING AND KARINA WAS TLKING TO HERSELF COZ SHES A RETARD LIKE THAT XD hahahha yea i didnt actually say that :L cant remember what i said lol
BUT ITS OKAY. because once ms hendriks realises how awesome i am she will love me XD haahahaha... somehow i doubt that
anyways i should probs start my massive list of maths exercises now. fml. T_T
ps. i ♥ amanda because shes too ▼ for you.
no. stupid bitches. you're not my mum, what makes you think you know whats best? you have no right to tell me what i should and shouldn't feel or think. you're not my judge, so who are you to try and decide my fate?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011 || 10:13 PM
today was actually a pretty good day hahaha for once im kind of excited to go to skl :L i dont know why... i mean its not like classes are extremely exciting or anything but for some reason this year they do seem kind of.. exciting LOL makes no sense but whatever. i think im going to have to actually try hard this year especially since im now apparently in yr 11 for like 2 subjects or wteva T_T fml. teachers kept going on about school cert or hsc and how everythings important foundation work for yrs 11 & 12 and blablabla. so much pressure -____-
oh yea happy chinese new year everyone (: well cny eve but whatever. my dad was telling us all to do that whole praying thing with those sticks that look like incense and like giving food to the god and stuff, it was actually kinda funny coz we had a little golden buddha and this is what my dad and sis were saying
dad: ok now bow to buddha and tell him and our ancestors to eat first
grace: whats a buddha?
dad: buddha is that little man up there. he's umm.. boss. tell boss to eat
grace: the fat man? but daddy, he isn't real he can't REALLY eat. -looks at my dad like hes an idiot-
dad: no...but..yes.. well... no.. just do it -glare-
-me and my stepmum trying not to crack up-
grace: okay, little fat man.. umm boss, eat...
anyways then my stepmum and i spent the rest of dinner arguing about which religion we would follow if we had to follow one. she said buddhism but im pretty sure buddhism is the one where people spend their whole life trying to reach enlightenment which is basically feeling nothing. -___- they spend their entire life trying to feel nothing and not live life. sounds pretty stupid to me.. umm no offense or anything if anyones buddhist.. :/ im probs extremely wrong but uhhh.. yea.. shit maybe i should shut up now LOL. well i said i would be a jew because i could probs accept god creating the world and stuff.. but dnt think id believe in jesus and miracles and shit LOL okay anyways. maybe i shouldnt have said any of that in case anyones offended :/ well i dont mean to be offensive and i probs dno much about religion anyways so errr.. ok.
well anyways i realised something today. i actually love my sister so fucking much (: i swear shes like the only person who can cheer me up everytime im sad. maybe its her innocence and how simply she views the world. to her theres only good and bad, right and wrong, theres no in betweens. and shes so naive and ignorant and happy, its quite infectious.
I find it comforting that, no matter what happens the sun always rises. No matter how horrible you feel, the days are still the same length. No matter how much you hate everything, time still continues and life goes on. The first day of a year doesn't determine the other 364 days. The first day of a week doesn't determine the other 6 days. The first hour of a day doesn't determine the other 23 hours. It amazes me that somehow people forget that time doesn’t just stop when you’re in pain. It keeps moving, keeps powering on. That’s what keeps me moving, the fact that there’s always a tomorrow if you want there to be. I’m in love with the idea of Tomorrow.
